Ho+Wah+Jiang

I shall focus on the introduction and clear argumentation.

http://www.unc.edu/depts/wcweb/handouts/introductions.html This is a pretty good guide for writing introductions. I think it is especially useful because it does not just teach one how to write a good intro, it convinces them of the usefulness of a good intro and even some strategies whilst writing. It also covers all the typical ways of creating an interesting introduction. Of all the content provided on this page, I think this is the most insightful.
 * **Open with an attention grabber.** Sometimes, especially if the topic of your paper is somewhat dry or technical, opening with something catchy can help. Consider these options:
 * 1) an intriguing example (for example, the mistress who initially teaches Douglass but then ceases her instruction as she learns more about slavery)
 * 2) a provocative quotation (Douglass writes that "education and slavery were incompatible with each other")
 * 3) a puzzling scenario (Frederick Douglass says of slaves that "[N]othing has been left undone to cripple their intellects, darken their minds, debase their moral nature, obliterate all traces of their relationship to mankind; and yet how wonderfully they have sustained the mighty load of a most frightful bondage, under which they have been groaning for centuries!" Douglass clearly asserts that slave owners went to great lengths to destroy the mental capacities of slaves, yet his own life story proves that these efforts could be unsuccessful.)
 * 4) a vivid and perhaps unexpected anecdote (for example, "Learning about slavery in the American history course at Frederick Douglass High School, students studied the work slaves did, the impact of slavery on their families, and the rules that governed their lives. We didn't discuss education, however, until one student, Mary, raised her hand and asked, 'But when did they go to school?' That modern high school students could not conceive of an American childhood devoid of formal education speaks volumes about the centrality of education to American youth today and also suggests the significance of the deprivation of education in past generations.")
 * 5) a thought-provoking question (given all of the freedoms that were denied enslaved individuals in the American South, why does Frederick Douglass focus his attentions so squarely on education and literacy?

I find this website pretty useful in explaning how a clear argument is presented. The only drawback is that its too wordy. http://openlearn.open.ac.uk/mod/resource/view.php?id=210771 This is probably the most useful part of it.
 * 1) You need to sort out your points into groups so that they can be presented in a //structured// way, giving the essay a beginning, a middle, and an end.
 * 2) You need to keep a //thread of meaning// running through your essay. Each sentence should flow on from the previous one, with adequate //signposting// to help your reader follow the moves you are making.

I'm going to write an introduction for this essay (neutral stance) Arresting start (going with a joke): Are You Eating Genetically Modified Food? Yes if you can use the leftover chicken as a nightlight for your kid’s room. When you check the label and it says that your buffalo chicken wings are made from REAL flying bison…oops! Genetically Modified!! (http://jokesfunny.wordpress.com/2008/04/)

Statistics of GM food consumption According to the New York Times, by 1999 almost one-quarter of our nation's food and fiber crops were genetically engineered. This is equivalent to over 60 million acres. According to the U.S. Department of Agriculture, the U.S. GE food harvest included approximately 57% of U.S. soybeans, 38% of U.S. corn, 65% of U.S. cotton, 4% of U.S. potatoes, and over 50% of the U.S. and Canadian canola crop. Analysts estimate that approximately 60 to 75% of processed foods commonly found on supermarket shelves or restaurants are genetically engineered.

Ongoing debate about the safety of GM food Advantages:
 * Pest, cold, herbicide, disease, drought resistance crops
 * More nutrition
 * Medicinal uses

Disadvantages:
 * Health: scientists unsure whether GM food is safe for consumption

Paragraph: “Are you eating Genetically Modified food? Yes, if you can use the leftover chicken as nightlight for your kid’s room” and “when you check the label and it says that your buffalo chicken wings are made from REAL flying bison…oops! Genetically modified!” are just some of the jokes aimed at GM food found on the internet. GM food may have increased nutritional values and resistance against pests. Unfortunately, scientists today do not know whether GM food is safe to eat as yet. Not that our government is concerned though, according to the New York Times, by 1999 almost one-quarter of the US’ food and fibre crops were genetically engineered. This is equivalent to over 60 million acres!

Comments: Hi Wah Jiang, Kenji here. Even though your opening was rather catchy, I don't think it really fits the context for boon vs. bane. Perhaps you can try finding a joke which links closer to the context. But overall the introduction is still okay, just that I'm not too sure about the partially informal language. Yep, that's all(:

Hi Wah Jiang, I think it was a pretty good idea to start off the paragraph with jokes and catch phrases, however, as Kenji said, it may be a little bit out of context. I think the introduction should be a general overview of the GM food situation, rather than just merely illiterating your point that GM food is bane rather than boon. I Do think the introduction should still shed some light on the background in general. And thus, maybe you can further refine the paragraph by including an introduction on what GM food is, and why it was introduced. kwangming