Gideon

__Writing Diagnosis:__
 * Lessson One 30th June 2009**

Based on past feedback in my essays, my weaknesses are as follows:

1) Using evidence in an essay.

I find that while I m may understand what the evidence is supposed to support, I have problems putting it down in words. Hence, my elaboration may end up as weak or ineffective.

for this issue, i will refer to this guide found at []

This site (or rather, university guide) is simple to understand, with clear examples of good and bad elaboration for the same evidence provided. Recommended for those who need soem examples in words to see the differences between good and bad writing.

2) Thoughts in arguments.

My problem is that at times I have not thought through the issue clearly enough to write a substantive essay, because of an underlying problem of not being sure of what to include in an essay. At times, I wondered if I had written enough, over written or under written.

Hence, I will use this site to refine my thinking frame for essay writing (borrowed from Yi Xiang) [|http://www.buowl.boun.edu.tr/students/types%20of%20essays/argumentative/ARGUMENTATIVE.htm]

What I find useful is that tis site clearly presents what can be included. For one matter, I did not know that using the context of a topic could be useful in arguments, especially the part on 'who cares?' (who it matters to). Withthis in mind, I will write a more in-depth essay.

End of Lesson One
Essay Writing- Research, Planning, First Draft
 * Lesson Two: 1st July 2009**

Theme: Science & Technology

Topic: GM Food- Boon or Bane?

Research Component:

media type="youtube" key="B8p7M0WF_7A" height="344" width="425"

Just a video for introduction. But it also helps to give a hint on what kind of views to expect.

On a side note, I've observed that views about GM are really black & white.

//__Things to factor in for research:__//

-__What__ is GM Food?

-__Benefits__ of GM Food

-__Disadvantages__ of GM Food

1) What is GM Food?

GM = Genetically Modified. It means that the genes of the food has been altered such that more desirable qualities that were previously not found in the food could be brought about by altering some of the genes. This usually refers to crops.

2) Benefits of GM Food:

a) Malthus' Theory: " Assuming then my postulata (1- Food is necessary to sustain man. 2- Humans will keep reproducing) as granted, I say, that the power of population is indefinitely greater than the power in the earth to produce subsistence for man. Population, when unchecked, increases in a geometrical ratio." ~ Thomas Malthus

The world population is growing exponentially, while the food resources of the earth grow geometrically. Hence, under natural circumstances, there would soon reach a time that there would not be enough food to sustain the earth.

Some experts believe that as China's population grows, by about 2040 there would be a deficit of food so large that exporters cannot possibly fill it.(John Bryan Starr- Thank you Mr Lim!) if China accounts for only 1/3 of the world's population, then we may have a serious food shortage issue about to unfold in the not-too-distant future.

b) more resistant plant varieties.

By isolating genes for pest resistance and weed-killer resistance, plants would grow stronger and hence would be immune to these. Some plants can even repel insects by having genes that bring about qualities to drive insects away.

c) more extreme-condition tolerant plants

Part of the genes introduced include those that combat areas of high salinity (salt-rich soil) or that with frequent droughts. Saline areas would prove highly unsuitable for plant growth as they would dehydrate a plant, while frequent droughts would always result in crop failure. By breeding drought-tolerant and saline-tolerant plants, food supply is ensured. This is especially important to countries heavily reliant on agriculture, as well as impoverished ones who are always drought-stricken.

3) Disadvantages of GM Food

1) Harm to other non-target insects

There have been cases (not stated here) where non-pest insects have eaten parts of GM plants and resulted in higher mortality rates. Though not really related to humans, this effect will ripple to other organisms as well thus affecting the food web structure as well as the community structure of the environment.

2) Cross-breeding with non-target plants.

There is a concern that when pollen of these GM foods blow, there is a possibility of that pollen pollinating a plant that was not targeted. The reason is that this may result in the development of a'super weed' that was just as resistant to weed-killers.

3) Potential Harm to Humans.

This case for argument is highly controversial. Accoridng to scientists, the effects of GM food on the human body remains yet to be tested, and this can pose certain potential health concerns. Experiments carried out on other insects have shown this problem, and GM has been suspected as the cause for increased allergenicity in children. Although this has been debated over, much of whether such claims are true still remains unknown.

__Plans for essay:__

I intend to use the standpoint of the benefits of using GM food, since I agree very much with this view. Knowing thta I have problem using a clear elaboration, I shall practise it here. I shall use the evidence of diminishing food supplies so as to support this claim, and then eleborate on how that data is significant and why it proves that my case stands.

__Essay paragraph__:

One clear benefit that GM food brings about is that it helps to replenish the world's diminishing food supply.According to Thomas Malthus, the world's population is growing so fast that the earth would soon lose its ability to sustain the human population, and this probelm may not be solveable naturally. In 2007, a New York Times article report talked about a UN warning of diminishing food supply, evident from trhe fact that food prices had risen to historic levels in years. Also menmtioned in this report, this surge in prices had caused spending in poor countries to surge by $107 million for the same amount, and that food supply remaining from World Wheat Store was only 8 weeks of supplies left, instead of the usual 11 weeks just a few years before. If such a gap in food supply is not met, the number of people in the world who will go hungry will increase to epic proportions, and prove to be disastrous. With the use of genetic engineering, GM foods can be modified to grow faster, and this difference will help to improve food supplies significantly, since faster crops would mean a larger food supply in a shorter amount of time. Bearing in mind the growing population of the world, it is probably undeniable that GM food has to be grown so that food supply will not run out.

**End of Lesson Two Lesson Three: 2nd July 2009 Peer Review:**
Hi Gideon. I think that your paragraph is really good. I can see from the paragraph that you have really attempted to do a clear argumentation as well as using evidence to support the points. Great. The evidence that you have included in the essay paragraph is appropriate in supporting your point, and the statistical data chosen is also appropriate.
 * ALF's Comments**

I do not really know how this paragraph can improve, but i think that there should be more emphasis about how GM food can solve the human food production problem. This is because about three-quarters of the paragraph is talking about the world's diminishing food supply. Being a paragraph that is supposed to be arguing why GM foods bring about benefits, i think that there should be more elaboration about how GM food can solve the food problem. The three lines at the end of the paragraph is simply insufficient to do so. Other than that, i think that your paragraph is great.

Good job.

 * From Edwin**

What's good: I think your evidences are effective in describing the shortage of food supply, and generally the paragraph is clear. The topic statement goes straight to say the world has a dimishing food supply, then you described the situation, following which you said how GM food comes into the picture. So it's basically good elaboration.

My humble opinion on how you could improve: As it's an essay on whether GM food is a boon or a bane, it's important to elaborate more on why it's a boon. Introduction to the problem could be a little shorter, and the part on why GM food is a boon could be longer.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Personal Remarks about peers' review:

Quite true. My tendency is that I spend '90% of the time preparing for 10% of the essay'. Or rather, 80% of what's important in this paragraph, was only given 20% of the space... Oops.

Noted, and this will be doine straight away.


 * End of Lesson 3**

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Lesson 4: 3rd July 2009

Revisions to Paragraph.

__Plans for revising paragraph:__

I plan to cut back a bit of what I am saying with regards to the diminishing food supply bits. That will even the scales between the 'groundwork' and the 'essence' of the paragraph.

__REVISED PARAGRAPH:__

One clear benefit that GM food brings about is that it helps to replenish the world's diminishing food supply.According to Thomas Malthus, the world's population is growing so fast that the earth would soon lose its ability to sustain the human population, and this probelm may not be solveable naturally. In 2007, a New York Times article report talked about a UN warning of diminishing food supply, evident from the fact that World Wheat Store was left with only 8 weeks of supplies instead of the usual 11 weeks just a few years before. With the use of genetic engineering, GM foods can be modified to grow faster, and this difference will help to improve food supplies significantly, since faster crops would mean a larger food supply in a shorter amount of time. On example is the orange fruit. Where oranges used to require 14 years to grow, they now do so only in a matter of weeks, all thanks to the work of genetic modification. Besides fruit, if other crops like rice and maize are genetically modified, it could probably almost instantaneously solve a significant portion of the world's food supply problems by growing more crops faster. Bearing in mind the growing population of the world, it is probably undeniable that GM food has to be grown so that food supply will not run out.

Reflections:

it was a great learning experience being able to sharpen my writing skills. One of my greatest weaknesses used to be spamming evidence when I did not quite understand how to elaborate. I thought every part of the essay must be 'backed' by a previous statement or fact, and hence I think my word limits and essay points suffered because of that. Now that I get a clearer picture of how much of each interesting point to write, I realise that keeping to the point is the most important. Like if the focus is on BOON OR BANE, I should not dive into how badly the food supply is diminishing, as that is only 20% of what is important, and it nearly took up 80% of what I wrote.

I was glad I could take a relaxed pace to think through. If only we had more opportunities like this.

End of Lesson 4