Ai+Lingfeng

For the task, i believe the two areas i need to improve upon would definitely be:
 * Expressing in your own words
 * Language use

[] [] I find these two websites extremely useful in teaching us how to avoid plagarising in our essays. Especially in the second link, these websites give a very complete view on how plagiarism can be avoided through the use of proper paraphrasing. They also provide examples with the paraphrased answers as well as the original text, hence it is very easy for us to see how paraphrasing should be done.
 * Expressing in your own words

Language Use []** I would agree with Yi Xiang that this is a very good website in teaching us about language use. There is huge amounts of information provided under each of the headings. What i find to be the most useful would be in Figures of speech, which contains an entire list of words which "break the normal rules of grammar, but can be understood nonetheless." This is definitely a beneficial website for learning english language use.

Definitions: GM Food: Genetically modified food usually refers to genetically modified organisms which have their DNA modified through genetic engineering; most of them are crops and plants. These crops have higher crop yields and are also resistant to pests and harsh environmental conditions. Even with these advantages of genetically modified crops, there exists a huge amount of skepticism and criticism about GM food, about the dangers of eating such food. There still is a possibility that these foods are not safe, especially since they are not completely understood by scientists yet. Boon: A blessing Bane: Destruction or death I would be writing a body paragraph of the essay, arguing a point about why GM food should be considered a boon. I would be using more evidence to support my answer to practice writing ‘in my own words’. This paragraph would focus on how GM food can be extremely beneficial in the current world situation of diminishing food supplies. Statistical data would be drawn from various websites to support my argument, and I would try to use ‘my own words’ or paraphrase points from these websites. Although there exist huge controversies about the safety and reliability of genetically modified food (GM food), GM food still has the potential to solve the problem of diminishing food supplies in the world today. The human population is increasing at an exponential rate, at a rate of 220,980 every day, quoted from the World Factbooks. This number is expected to increase as time passes, and at the current rate, the human population is estimated to double in the year 2060. While food production increases linearly, human population increases at an exponential rate, meaning that the amount of food produced would soon be insufficient to satisfy the demand of the human population. This is where GM food serves its purposes. As quoted from [|www.monsanto.com], ‘consumers consistently rank a reduction in pesticide applications as the most valuable benefit of plant biotechnology.’ These GM foods have increased pest resistance, which is extremely useful because crop losses from insect pests can be staggeringly high, resulting in devastating financial losses and starvation in certain countries. With genetically modified DNA, food production from these crops would naturally increase due to a lowered amount of crop destruction by pests as well as an increase in yield of the crop. Hence, it is obvious that GM food is able to tackle the problem of a diminishing food supply in the world, and hence a boon rather than a bane.
 * Planning and Research**
 * Comments**
 * Paragraph**


 * Peer Comments:**

Gideon: Hi Ling feng! Nice work on the paragraph, and the attempt on rephrasing has been very good. However, I believe that you can take it one step further by joining some of these sentences and make one compound sentence with it. I observed that your points of research are quite plenty, but by using one sentence for each they start becoming a little disjointed. Perhaps a good way to settle this issue is to join some of them up. I know it may be bad to combine two ides together, but by joining these ideas you can link them in a certain flow.

I'll just include one way to improve the paragraph. I still have Edwin's to review.

"... the human population is increasing at an exponential rate of 220,980 everyday, and estimates mention that the world population would have doubled in number by 2060. On the other hand, food production has been very linear, and when measured against the exponentially-increasing human population rate proves insufficient to satisfy the demand for food."

Hope it works for you!


 * From Edwin**

What's good: It's very clear. There is much effort made at paraphrasing, and generally it's a rather effective paragraph at saying how GM food could meet the needs of the human population.

My humble opinion: Maybe you can be more implicit when it comes to research; like: //Monsanto, a leading agricultural company, has reported consumers to consistently rank a reduction in pesticide applications as the most valuable benefit of plant biotechnology.//

=__Revision__=

With regards to the peer comments above, i think that i should try to link up perhaps one or two of the points in the paragraph, to create a "certain flow". Edwin's advice is also good because the paraphrasing used in the paragraph would become smoother when the format is changed, instead of simply writing 'quoted from'.
 * How i intend to revise the original paragraph

****Revised Paragraph** Although there exist huge controversies about the safety and reliability of genetically modified food (GM food), GM food still has the potential to solve the problem of diminishing food supplies in the world today. The human population is increasing at an exponential rate, at a rate of 220,980 every day, as taken from the World Factbooks. This number is expected to increase as time passes, and at the current rate, the human population is estimated to double in the year 2060. While food production increases linearly, human population increases at an exponential rate, meaning that the amount of food produced would soon be insufficient to satisfy the demand of the human population. This is where GM food serves its purposes. Monsanto, a leading agricultural company, has reported consmers to consistently rank a reduction in pesticide applications as the most valuable benefit of plan biotechnology. These GM foods have increased pest resistance, which is extremely useful because crop losses from insect pests can be staggeringly high, resulting in devastating financial losses and starvation in certain countries. With genetically modified DNA, food production from these crops would naturally increase due to a lowered amount of crop destruction by pests as well as an increase in yield of the crop. Hence, it is obvious that GM food is able to tackle the problem of a diminishing food supply in the world, and hence a boon rather than a bane.

I have learnt a lot from this week's essay writing lessons. I have learnt how to write better essay paragraphs, specifically in the areas of writing in your own words and using better language. I think that i have managed to quote evidence from other websites very well, which was one of the areas that i hoped to improve in this week's lesson. Paraphrasing is very important in an essay, because the proper use of paraphrasing supports your points and give them credibility in arguing. I have also attempted to improve in language use, and i think that i have managed to make my paragraph very clear in what it is trying to argue. Through the course of this week, i have definitely improved in my skills for essay writing.
 * Reflections**